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CHAPTER SIX
UNTEACHABLE,
UNACCOUNTABLE,
AND UNACCEPTABLE
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When a man is wrapped up in himself,
He makes a pretty small package.
JOHN RUSKIN
The only reason I picked the guy in the first place was because I’d never heard of him. I was twenty-two years old, in my first year of seminary. One of my professors had just given us an unusual assignment. We were supposed to come up with a sermon on someone in the Bible we’d never heard of. I figured a good place to start was in a book of the Bible I’d hardly ever read. Sure enough, down in verse nine of the little book of 3 John, I stumbled across the name of Diotrephes.
Perfect. I’d never heard a lick about this guy. I spent several weeks studying the life of this man who rates two verses in Scripture…and I think it was about the best thing that could have happened to me at that tender age. I remember coming away from that experience just shaking my head. Lord, I found myself praying, I never, never want to be like that man. God help me never to end up like that.
I was single at the time-no wife, no family, no job, and no ministry. It was the time of life when a young man could really benefit from some positive role models. But the truth is, I think I benefited more that year from one negative role model than a half-dozen positive ones. Diotrephes is a classic prototype for a young, would-be leader. All you have to do is carefully study the stuff he did…and then go out and do the exact opposite.
Years ago, Seven-Up introduced a memorable ad campaign. It was successful for so long that they recently resurrected it. They proudly called themselves “the UnCola,” and it gave them immediate positioning in the marketplace. The ads really didn’t do that much to describe the company’s product; instead, they made it clear what their soda was NOT. Hey, we’re not cola. We’re not root beer. We’re the UnCola. The sales of Seven-Up enjoyed a huge surge…because of the way they chose to NOT describe their beverage.
The critical word was “un.” Now what doe that word “un” mean in the Greek? Frankly, I don’t know. You’ll just have to trust me here. When I look at that prefix “un,” it seems to suggest two things: different and opposite. That year I learned quite a bit about leadership. The professors worked hard to show us what true biblical leadership was all about. But one UnLeader with a funny name showed me even more. And I have a tiny little letter from an old man named John to thank for that.
A LETTER FROM DEAR JOHN
Third John, of course, is the third letter from the man known as “the Beloved Apostle.” As you might imagine, getting a letter from an apostle – one of the Twelve – was a big deal back in the first century. It must have been especially impressive to receive something from John. Good old John. This was the guy who was closer to the Lord Jesus than anyone else, a man who always seemed to be at the Lord’s side.
When a letter like this arrived, the church would assemble and one of the elders would read it out loud. In this particular letter – really, it was more like a quick postcard – there were some words that must have had folks nudging each other and exchanging glances. I have the idea that John’s little epistle went off like an M-80 in that assembly of believers. And when the smoke cleared, everyone realized that the elderly apostle had no intention of tiptoeing around what must have been a highly sensitive issue in that congregation. He had dome strong words about a man in their midst who wanted very badly to be a leader…but was, in fact, an UnLeader. Just as Seven-Up is the UnCola, so Diotrephes was the UnLeader.
Quite frankly, he was a jerk.
I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will have nothing to do with us. So if I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, gossiping maliciously about us. Not satisfied with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church. (vv. 9-10, NIV)
One of the best definitions of a leader I ever heard was also one of the shortest. Dr. Howard Hendricks offered this one, and it’s only six words long. I can get a handle on a definition like that! And here it is. Ready? A leader is someone who leads. That definition is so good that I have quoted it probably five hundred times. And I’ll probably quote it another five hundred.
That’s it. That’s all of it. A leader is someone who leads. But don’t let the simplicity fool you. Really, it’s profound. Just because you have a title of leadership doesn’t mean that you are a leader. You’re only a leader if you lead. A number of months ago at a business luncheon in Dallas, a distinguished looking gentleman handed me his card. It may have been the most impressive business card I’ve ever seen. It was embossed in gold on silky white stock, and the thing was half-filled up with this guy’s titles. You can’t believe all the stuff this man had under his name. He was CEO, CFO, President, Chairman, Emperor, Ayatollah, His Excellency…it went on and on.
As time went by, I became more familiar with this man and what he did. I talked to people who worked for him. I picked up things about his reputation in the community. And do you know what I found out? He wasn’t a leader at all. Sure, he had a title – he had a list of ‘em long as your arm. But titles of leadership don’t make you a leader. You’re only a leader if you lead, and no one was willing to call this man a leader. No one was marching in his one-man parade.
You might have the title…President…but do you lead?
You might have the title…Quarterback…but do you lead?
You might have the title…Team Captain…Platoon Leader…Principal… Teacher Pastor…Elder…Husband…Dad. That’s great. Those are all honorable titles. But listen – you’re only a leader if you lead.
Diotrephes was a man who wanted to be a leader – he wanted it so bad he could taste it. When he looked in the bathroom mirror in the morning, he though for sure he was looking at a leader. But he wasn’t a leader at all. We don’t know what his official position might have been in the church – obviously, he had some clout or power. But a leader? A Christian leader? Not on your life. Diotrephes was an UnLeader. Let me explain why.
FIVE MARKS OF THE UNLEADER
Lots of people have written about the marks of a leader. I have pages of notes in my files that I could dig out of my basement if you’d like to see more. But this is kind of an UnChapter, and I’d rather look at this leadership thing from the other side; I want to show you the clears marks of an UnLeader. What makes and UnLeader?
Notice what John says in verse nine:
I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them…
You’ve got to remember something about John. He was one of those guys who went to Bible school and never got over it. If you were to sit down with John over a glass of iced tea, he’d bend your ear until next Tuesday talking about his great education as a young man. If anyone else went on and on like that, it would be about as exciting as watching ice melt on warm linoleum.
But then, I guess you might excuse ol’ John for his enthusiasm. He really did have a great education. The best. Because his only professor for those years was the Lord Jesus Christ.
John was staggered by Jesus. That’s the way it is with people who hang out with the Lord day after day. They can’t stop talking about Him. They can’t help looking at every issue the way He would look at that issue. And when a guy‘s spent forty-two straight months walking alongside the King of kings and Lord of lords, he’s bound to have a few impressions on certain subjects. Think about it. Think about eating meals over the campfire with Him…rowing a boat with Him into the teeth of a storm…confronting dangerous enemies with Him…praying with Him on a mountainside …meeting men’s and women’s deep needs with Him…sleeping under the stars with Him …walking on the beach with Him at sunrise…watching Him lose His life on a cross… staring at Him until your eyes blur as He ascends in the blue heavens.
To tell the truth, John never got over those forty-two months with Jesus. Even when he wrote his gospel, he had a tough time ending it. How do you end a book about someone who has no end? How do you put a period on an infinite story? John finally saw that he had to wrap things up, and it’s a good thing; otherwise you and I would be packing our Bibles around in a wheelbarrow. I’m guessing he scratched out these last words with a deep sigh.
Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I supposed that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. (John 21:25 NIV)
So here’s a man brimming over with the teachings of Jesus, and he has to confront a would-be leader who isn’t acting like Jesus at all. Which leads us to the first mark of an UnLeader.
Mark #1: An UnLeader is an UnServant.
What did Jesus say about leadership?
“If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all, and servant of all.” (Mark 9:35)
“Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:4)
“Whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:26-28)
John had no problem at all nailing Diotrephes as an UnLeader. Do you know why? Because Diotrephes wasn’t leading like Jesus. And for John, that pretty much fried the man’s bacon.
One thing that sets apart Christian leadership from any other type of leadership is the idea of being a servant. Someone once asked Leonard Bernstein, the late New York Symphony conductor, what the most difficult position in the orchestra was. Without hesitation, the maestro replied, “Second fiddle.” Now why is that? Is playing second-chair violin so much tougher than playing a piccolo or a bassoon? No, it’s not tougher. His point was, everyone wants to be first-chair violin.
Ask a budding young musician his or her goal in life. What’s the reply going to be? “Oh, I really want to be second chair violin someday.” Probably not. Do you know any young boys who want to grow up to become a second string quarterback? Not likely.
You see, nobody wants to be second. Everyone wants to be first. Diotrephes was strongly motivated to be number one. But the problem is, that runs completely against the grain of Christian leadership. Christian leadership is giving your best without having to be first.
As I studied Diotrephes, I got concerned. Real concerned. About me. The more I studied Diotrephes, the more I saw I was a lot like him. It was uncanny. Diotrephes loved to be first. I didn’t want to admit it, but so did I. Diotrephes like being served. I didn’t want to admit it, but so did I. Diotrephes enjoyed being a big shot. Diotrephes got a kick out of special privileges. Diotrephes liked to impress people. I didn’t want to admit it, but so did I.
So it began to dawn on me that if I wanted to lead like Jesus instead of like Diotrephes, I was going to have to make some changes in my life. We’re talking drastic changes. That’s one of the biggest problems with reading the Bible. Every time I crack it open, I keep getting the idea that God wants me to change. I keep getting the idea that He wants to conform me into the image of Christ. God wants me to lead like Jesus, but I’m a whole lot more like the UnLeader.
A lot of us don’t like change. It kind of bugs us. It isn’t comfortable. That may date back to the time when we were little boys and didn’t like to change our socks and underwear. But you see, if we’re going to grow up in Christ, we’ve got to change every day. If we don’t, we’re not growing up in Christ…we’re just growing old in Christ. And who wants to do that?
You know how many psychologists it takes to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb must want to change. That’s not really true is it? Light bulbs obviously don’t have to want to change, but people do. Men do. Let me ask you a question: Do you want to change? Are you willing to change? Are you willing to become a servant? Unless I miss my guess, that serving stuff may not come naturally for you. It may not be your knee-jerk reaction to situations in your life. It’s certainly not in mine. But do you know what? I really don’t have an option. I’m called to do it.
Now, do you believer that God has a sense of humor? I can guarantee He does. In fact, let me prove it to you. Do you see the last sentence of the previous paragraph? The sentence says, “I’m called to do it.” Just as I was finishing this last sentence of the precious paragraph, I heard the faint words, “Daaaad…Daaaaad…” I walked out of my office to see my son vomiting in the hallway between his bedroom and the bathroom. And since I am her alone with my son, the job of serving him fell to me. In the last ninety minutes – when I should have been completing this chapter – I have cleaned up my son, put him to bed, cleaned up the vomit off the carpet, gone to the grocery store, rented a carpet shampooer, shampooed the carpet…well you get the idea.
It is now 9:48 P.M. This completed chapter needs to be FEDEX by 10:30 P.M. So, FedEx closes in forty-two minutes. When my son threw up, my first question was, “Where is Mary?” Actually, that’s not quite right. My first question was “WHERE IS MARY? She promised on our wedding day to be faithful in sickness and in health – and THIS IS SICKNESS!” Now, I didn’t say this out loud. But I was thinking it.
After I cleaned up John and got him to bed, I looked at my watch and noticed that the time was quickly coming when “no man shall work.” I began to think, “Where is that woman and what is she doing? I don’t have time to clean this crud up! I have to get this chapter done and get it to FedEx! I have to finish this section on servanthood sot that these guys can be the men Christ wants them to be! Where is she? I’m about ready to throw up myself after getting this stud off the carpet! I’m supposed to be doing something important for the kingdom of God instead of getting recycled hot dogs and chili off this rug!
When I had finally sat down to figure out where I left off, I noticed the last paragraph I had written:
Let me ask you a question: Do you want to change? Are you willing to change? Are you willing to become a servant? Unless I miss my guess that serving stuff may not come naturally for you. It may not be you knee-jerk reaction to situations in your life. It’s certainly not in mine. But do you know what? I really don’t have an option. I’m called to do it.
Bingo. You see guys, it’s easy for me to write this stuff. I just have a hard time living it. I’m more like Diotrephes than I like to admit. Diotrephes resented being a servant, and that’s how he got his first mark as an UnLeader. So far, I’m keeping up with him. But don’t hang up the phone yet. There’s another mark of an UnLeader.
Mark #2: An UnLeader is UnTeachable.
Catch this little note from John’s postcard:
I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. (v.9)
The guy was UnTeachable. Who was writing this letter, after all? It wasn’t Joe Schmuck from the branch office. This was the Apostle John. A man handpicked by the Son of God. A man with impeccable authority. But Diotrephes didn’t have any time from him. He wouldn’t respond to John’s leadership or teaching. When I was a kid, I can remember telling anyone who would listen, “I can’t wait until I grow up and nobody will tell me what to do.
But guess what? I’m forty-five years old and now everyone’s telling me what to do. The IRD tells me what to do. The state of Texas tells me what to do. The department of motor vehicles tells me what to do. I’ve got all kinds of people in my life now that I’m “grown up,” and most of them are telling me what to do. That’s kind of the way life works for most of us.
What we’re talking about here is a teachable spirit. Great leaders have teachable spirits. Great leaders know how to submit to authority. See, a lot of people have leadership inclinations. But they don’t want to submit to anybody. They want to do it their way.
A couple of years ago, I was driving fifty-eight miles-per-hour in a thirty-mile zone. A guy pulled up behind me in a white car. The problem was, he had two options on his car that I didn’t have on mine. And he turned them both on. I looked in the rearview mirror and thought to myself, I need to do a little submitting to authority here. I need to work on having a teachable spirit. So I pulled over and this man in a uniform came up to my window and said, “Sir, can I ask where it is that you’re in such a hurry to get to?
One of my boys piped us from the backseat, “We’re going to church!” It was a Wednesday night and I was supposed to be teaching at one of the churched in Dallas. But the car was very low on fuel. It was a diesel, and it’s not always easy to find diesel – anyway, it’s a long story. The bottom line was that it was five minutes till seven, and I was thirty minutes away from the place where I was supposed to preach at seven o’clock. “Oh”, said the officer. “You’re going to church?” He glanced down at the Bible I had beside me in the front seat.
“Yeah,” I said, “I’m going across town to teach on Romans 13 about obeying the civil authorities.” The policeman started laughing. I think he must have been a believer because he knew what was in Romans 13. “I’ll tell you what,” he said. “If you promise to obey Romans 13, I’ll let you go.” And I said, “That is mercy. Not justice, but mercy.”
So I had to practice what I was going to preach before I ever preached it- even though it was going to make me late. But that’s all a part of being teachable and submitting to authority. Diotrephes didn’t give a rip for John, the elders, or apostolic authority. No one was going to tell him anything. He just flat wouldn’t hear it. He wasn’t teachable.
Mary and I speak together maybe once or twice a year. That’s about all we can do because we don’t like to dump off our kids with someone else. Several years ago we were speaking to a group of about eight hundred college students at a conference in Colorado. Eight hundred bright, fresh-faced guys and gals looked up at us from the auditorium, and we had a fun time talking about how to have a great marriage. That’s not one of the usual topics when you’re talking to collegians – but it ought to be. Because down the road, most of them will be getting married and won’t have a clue how good marriages work.
Between sessions, four young women – seniors at the University of Nebraska – came up to talk to me. “This won’t take a lot of your time,” they told me. “We just have one quick question.” “Sure,” I said. “Fire away.” “We hope to be married one day,” they told me. “Could you tell us – what one trait should we look for in a potential husband?”
I was tempted to tease them and say, “Money!” but they looked serious about this, so I though I’d better not mess around. After thinking about it for a few seconds, I said, “The one trait you ought to look for in a potential husband is…teachability. Because if you find a guy who has a teachable spirit, he’s going to be OK. All of us guys have our rough edges, and some of us are rougher than others. But a teachable guy will listen to your input. He’ll be a big enough man to admit he’s got lots of room for improvement. More importantly, he will be open to input from the Holy Spirit. He’ll know how to humble himself before the Lord. A teachable guy is a guy who will grow up in Christ. If you find a guy like that, ladies, snap him up.
“Oh,” said one. “Well, I’m not sure there are any guys out there like that.” “Yes, they’re out there. The thing is, you only need one. If you needed ten or twenty, you might have a problem, but you only need one.” Let’s put it on the table. If you’re not teachable, you don’t have a chance in the world of finishing strong. Not a chance.
A man in a small Wisconsin city had been in A.A. for about three years and had enjoyed being sober for that period of time. Then bad luck began to hit him in his business. The firm for which he had worked for some fifteen years was sold; his particular job was phased out of existence; and the plant was moved to another city. For several months, he struggled at odd jobs while looking for a company that needed his specialized experience.
Then another blow hit him. His wife was forced to enter a hospital for major surgery, and his company insurance expired. At this point he cracked and decided on an all-out binge. He didn’t want to stage this in the small city where everyone knew his sobriety record. So he went to Chicago, checked into a north side hotel, and set forth on his project. It was Friday night, and the bars were filled with swinging crowds. But he was in no mood to swing – he just wanted to get quietly, miserably drunk.
Finally, he found a basement bar on a quiet side street, practically deserted. He sat down on a bar stool and ordered a double bourbon on the rocks. The bartender said, “Yes, sir,” and reached for a bottle. Then the bartender stopped in his tracks, took a long, hard look at the customer, leaned over the bar, and said in a low tone, “I was in Milwaukee about four months ago, and one night I attended an open A.A. meeting. You were on the speaking platform, and you gave one of the finest talks I ever heard.” The bartender turned and walked to the end of the bar.
For a few minutes, the guy sat there – probably in a state of shock. With trembling hands, he picked up his money from the bar and walked out. All desire for a drink had been drained out of him. It is estimated that there are about eight thousand saloons in Chicago, employing some twenty-five thousand bartenders. This man had entered the one saloon in eight thousand where he would encounter the one man in twenty-five thousand who knew that he was a member of A.A. and didn’t belong there.
As far as I know, the man who had this amazing experience did not know the Lord. But I will tell you this. The Lord was looking out for him. He heard the message quite clearly. And he did something about it. Why? Because he was teachable.
Mark #3: An UnLeader is UnJust
It would have been enough for Diotrephes to be an UnServant and UnTeachable. But he was also UnJust. Look at verse ten:
For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words.
That’s pretty serious stuff. Diotrephes was getting into deep trouble with his tongue. Isn’t is amazing? Here’s John, an apostle of Jesus Christ, one of the original Twelve, with the authority of Jesus Christ behind him, and Diotrephes has the gall to start throwing out off-the-wall accusations against him. Do you know what that tells me? If he was willing to lever that kind of stuff at an apostle, this was not the first time he had pulled this sort of thing. There must have been many men and women who’d been wounded by the torpedoes launched out of this man’s mouth. It was a habit for Diotrephes. It came as natural to him as kicking the dog. Actually, some people are a lot more humane to their dogs than they are to humans.
Diotrephed knew how to hurl verbal bombs. Maybe he did it with the acid of sarcasm. Maybe he did it with the poison of innuendoes and gossip. Or maybe he just stood up in front of the people and told bald-faced lies. However he did it, it was sin, and John called him on it. It’s “wicked” the apostle said. And so it is.
More than anything else, spoken words determine the atmosphere of a home. Every home has an atmosphere. Just like restaurants have atmospheres. When most of us guys go into a restaurant, we could care less about the atmosphere. We just want a decent plate of food and refills on the drinks. But my wife sees it a little differently. When we go out on a special occasion, she wants something more than good food; she wants to go to a restaurant with ambiance. Do you know what ambiance means in French? I have decided it means expensive. The greater the ambiance, the greater the check. That’s just how it works.
So good restaurants have good atmosphere. But so do good homes. Generally speaking, you home either has an atmosphere of construction or destruction. In other words, people in your home are either being built up or they’re being torn down. What kind of home were you raised in? Was it an atmosphere of construction or destruction?
It was Ring Lardner who said, “The family you come from is not as important as the family you are going to have.” He’s right. The truth is, I can’t do anything about the home which I was born into. In my case, it was a good one. But now that I’m the dad, it’s on my shoulders to make a good home.
What’s going to be the atmosphere of my home? More than anything else, it will be my words that spell the difference between construction and destruction. What kind of words will echo off the walls of my home and sink into the souls of those impressionable folks under my roof? Unjust words like, “You’ll never amount to anything.” Unjust statements like, “Here, give me that wrench! You look so darned awkward with that thing.”
I talked to a guy just this week whom I consider to be a highly gifted individual. I’ve known him for a long time and have worked closely with him. You know what he said to me? He said, “I feel kind of awkward about a lot of things – and I think I’m awkward because my dad always told me I was awkward.”
I said, “You’re not awkward at all.” But he thinks that he is, because someone unjustly accused him. Somebody said some harsh words to him. Cowards are awesomely powerful instruments – for evil or good. And in a Christian home, there is no room for unjust words. We need to think about the words before they come spilling out of our faces. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I being just here? Is that a constructive remark? Or am I just trying to score a point?” As men who want to finish strong, we need to make sure our remarks and comments are constructive – and just.
Diotrephes had a problem with unjust accusations. But there is yet another “un” to consider in this brief little passage. And it may surprise you.
Mark #4: An UnLeader is UnHospitable.
UnHospitable? Inhospitable? What does that have to do with anything? What’s the big deal about hospitality? Actually, it’s amazing what a big deal hospitality is in the Scriptures. Hospitality goes hand in hand with a servant spirit. Look at the middle part of verse ten. John wrote:
And not satisfies with this, neither does he himself receive the brethren, and he forbids those who desire to do so, and puts them out of the church.
You know, back in those days you couldn’t put up a visiting teacher in the local Howard Johnson’s. They didn’t have hotels and motels and inns like we have today. Oh, they had overnight accommodations, all right. But most of those inns had red lights hanging over the front door, and that’s not the place you want to send your visiting evangelists. So as John, an elder and apostle of the early church, would send out teachers to different locations, it was vital for the believers to provide them lodging. It was not only nice, it was necessary!
How long would these visiting Bible teachers stay in an area? I’m not sure, but it very well could have been a long-term sort of deal. My hunch is that it wasn’t always convenient for those folks who opened up their homes. That’s the thing about hospitality. It isn’t always convenient. It isn’t always comfortable and handy. It doesn’t always fit right in with our plans and our schedules. Diotrephes was not hospitable. He didn’t like making other people feel like number one at his house, because he wanted to be number one.
When Mary and I were first married, we lived in a tiny apartment in Los Angeles. After three or four months, her mom and dad visited us en route from Atlanta to Japan on a missions trip. We picked them up at the airport, had a nice little dinner at home, and then talked awhile until it was time to hit the sack. That’s when Mary said to them, “Steve and I want you to have our bed.” What? When did I say that? That’s when I felt like saying. What I actually said was, “Yeah, we want you to have our bed.
The truth is, I didn’t want them to have our bed at all. I value my comfort. I value a good night’s sleep. I want my bed, my bear, and my jimmies. And then let me alone. What really bothered me more than giving up my bed was the knowledge of what that would mean: it would mean that Mary and I were going to have to sleep on that broken-down-hide-a-bed in the living room. It ticked me off, but what could I say? I smiled at my new in-laws and said, “Oh right! Take our bed. We insist. We’ll be fine. This is wonderful.”
We got things all set up for them, said good night, and they shut the door. Then I turned and looked at Mary. “All right Mary,” I hissed through clenched teeth, “what’s the deal? You didn’t talk to me about that. We never agreed to do that. I don’t want to spend the night on this crummy, lumpy hide-a-bed.” And I just really railed on her. I couldn’t believe she would do such a thing, and I demonstrated my maturity to my new bride by saying so right up front. This was, of course, a whole new side of me that she had never seen.
As time went on, however, I came to understand how Mary would have automatically given up her bed like that. Come to find out, she’d seen that king of hospitality modeled through all of her growing up years. Hospitality was a daily experience in her family; it was just the expected thing.
Mary’s dad is in the ministry, and though the family never had many extras, they were always willing to share with others. About twenty-five years ago, her folks built a two-story home in Georgia. They had just enough money to finish out the top floor but had to leave the ground floor unfinished. Little by little, her dad worked away at it over the months and years, until they finally had a nice, three-bedroom apartment downstairs. Why did they do that? To have more elbowroom? To increase the value of the home?
No. They did that so they could let needy families live there rent-free in emergency situations. Every time we went to visit them in Georgia there would be a different family sharing the home with them. And this is the atmosphere Mary grew up in. No wonder she offered our bed. She probably thought it was the least she could do. This was a family willing to be inconvenienced, and that’s a sign of spiritual maturity.
I think there is one more “un” in the life of this man Diotrephes. It’s not in the text, but it could be there – and it makes sense that it would be there. I think all those “uns” add up to another very sad “un”
Mark #5: An UnLeader has an UnHappy family.
Pity Mrs. Diotrephes.
Pity little Diotrephes junior.
Pity Diotrephes’ in-laws, who probably had to lump it on the hide-a-bed.
Scripture doesn’t tell us if he was married or not. Let’s just assume for a minute that he was. You’ve got to believe that a person with those sorts of UnServantlike character qualities is going to have a miserably UnHappy family.
I want you to think this through with me. It was pretty sever for John to have to put those strong words in a letter that’s read to the whole church. Do you think Diotrephes would have been out of the room for a public reading like this? Not him! He would have been right there on the front pew. And when John started rebuking Diotrephes, everyone would have looked straight at him. That’s tough stuff, don’t you think? Gentle and gracious John had taken the gloves off, and now he was sounding more like the old “son of thunder.”
But I think those kinds of measures must have been necessary. Unless I miss my guess, I’ll bet the Lord had tried to get through to this man in gentler ways. He had probably been trying to get Diotrephes’ attention for years before this happened.
Imagine with me that Diotrephes had a wife. Do you think she might have tried to reason with him through the years? Do you think she might have tried to gently broach the subject of this man’s stubborn attitude and harsh words? If Diotrephes had kids, do you think some tears were ever shed in this man’s presence? Do you think those kids might have tried to talk to their dad about some of the unjust things he was saying? Do you think they did?
I believe that God also speaks to us today. I really do. I hear some preachers on TV always talking about this vision and that vision. But it seems like the only time I have a vision is if I eat Mexican food after 10 P.M. And God is not in that vision. Does God speak to us today? You bet He does. He speaks to us in His Word. But He also has another way of getting through to us. It’s amazing how God will talk to me through my wife and my kids. And when I start hearing the same thing being said over and over again, I’d better listen up. If I want a happy family, I’d better listen to some of those words – and even some of those silences!
That’s not easy for me. Just like you, I get into a groove. I get goal oriented and locked on course. At such times, it’s not easy for me to pick up on my family’s emotional needs. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy for me to get upset and irritated and start throwing around harsh words. That is my natural tendency. But deep down, I don’t want to be an UnLeader. I don’t want to be a Diotrephes who wouldn’t listen to anyone – even God! I want to finish strong. I wan tot be like Jesus.
As you probably know, most of the names in the Bible have a meaning. Do you know what Diotrephes’ name means in the original language? It means “nourished by Zeus.” And Zeus was a false god. We can have a false god in our lives, too. We can be nourished by gods other than the true and living God.
For some of us, it’s the god of power.
For some of us, it’s the god of popularity or fame.
For some of us, it’s the drive to be number one.
If you and I wan to finish strong, we need to be “nourished by Jesus Christ.” We need to hear what He has to say to us, even if the words humble us and bruise our egos and take us down a couple of notches.
The bottom line is this: being an UnLeader is UnManly.
Real men serve. Just like Jesus did.
I’m working on it. If I’m going to finish strong, I have to work on it. And so do you. As we ask Christ to make us the teachable, accountable men that He wants us to be, we will begin to change.
Diotrephes was a jerk and didn’t want to make the change.
But we still have time to change.
That’s the UnChanged and UnBlemished truth.